So you're going to sleep one night feeling funky fresh, happy and content.
But then something happens to you overnight, a brain "chemical reaction" or something "internally wrong with you" depending upon which school of medicine
You wake up feeling pissed off, melancholy and low for no apparent reason...
This can last for a day, several days, weeks or indeed months.
You haven't slept well and now have a headache, or you have slept way too long and feel sick.
Your hair and your makeup just won't work, and you find yourself re-doing them all day long and never being satisfied with the results.
You don't want to see anyone today, not even the ones that you love.
Your clothes hurt your skin, or make you look fat and ugly, they're just too tight or too loose or not right for some reason.
It feels like your own head is working against you.
"Everyone" is looking at you funny, you know it.
"Everyone" is talking about you too, making jokes and being rude and mean.
Nothing feels right...not any one thing makes you feel good.
You can't laugh.
You can't smile.
You can't eat.
Or you can't stop eating.
You want to stay in bed all day long.
But you felt fine the other day right? In fact, you had been the life and soul of the party, felt totally amazing and loved by all your family and friends. Maybe you are like me and spend all your cash on things you want, and justify them as "making you happy"? But once you have the many pretty things you "needed", you still feel sad inside.
Just one little thing, a mocking glance, a back-handed compliment, can sink you into this mess, it's not fair, not fair at all.
Really, this is yet another reason why we all need to try and be nice to one another, as you have no freaking idea what anyone else is going through, just as they have no freaking idea what you are going through. Kindness is not a difficult thing, and if it is difficult for you, you need to ask yourself what the hell kind of person you are.
You can go to the doctors and their first idea is essentially to bung you on a cocktail of whatever is cheapest at the time...can you tell I don't have much faith in medicine? These drugs can work for some, but not for others.
For example, I won't take mood enhancing/changing drugs like Prozac as they keep me on a constant low. I enjoy my feelings of high/hyper, they make me feel good. Sure, they aren't very healthy on my bank balance, but they are a damned site healthier than me sitting on my own and slicing up my arms.
Make sure to test everything though, and see what works for you, everyone really is very different, and something that makes me feel shitty might be the difference in mood that you really needed :)
- Don't; Drink alcohol to make yourself feel better. I've tried it, so so many times, and it just does not work. Sure, you feel good for an hour or two, but the drinks and their mood lowering effects will catch up with you the same night, or the next day.
- Don't; slip into old habits that you know will make you feel worse. Self harm, binge-eating, starving yourself or promiscuity do not make you feel better in the long road. You only feel better at the time because you're trying to fill the void you feel that bipolar has caused you.
- Don't; be suckered into things that work for others by thinking they will work for you. Not everyone needs Religion, cognitive behavioural therapy, medication or talking therapy. Sure they help some, but not all. You can always try them though, you never know.
- Do; try and sit in the sunshine, if there is any. You may sneer but it really does help. I've also found that a light box, usually used for people with SAD syndrome also really helps people with mood affective disorders.
- Do; eat some fruits and veggies if you feel the need to snack or starve. I find their bright colours can really help, rather than a plate full of stodgy mess.
- Do; talk to someone! Anyone at all! It can make you feel better to get impartial advice or just have someone to have a bloody good whinge at.
- Do; get your meds checked regularly if you take them, pill check-ups often are forgotten by both you and the doctor, and doses sometimes need to be changed!
- Do; join some Facebook groups for people with disorders like you. Having a support network has stopped me from doing some stupid shit in the past.
- Do; remember that you are not alone in feeling this way. As much as I know only too well that it feels like nobody else has ever felt this way that you do, they have, and they are right now.
- And more than anything, please please please remember that people do love you, don't ever take your own life. Even someone online who you have never met, you make their day. Suicide is a completely selfish thing to do, as much as it hurts to admit that to yourself, it is. It takes away your pain, sure, but it can leave the people you love feeling the exact same way that you did. I speak from experience, my best friend in all the world Ryuu decided to take his own life, because his mental health issues got too much for him to bear. I love him, I miss him, but I will never, ever forgive him.
xx
