My entire life has been a journey encompassing so many things that I hate and will always stand against.

Bullying. Abuse. Pack mentality. Nastiness. Ridiculing people.

I don't understand why some people just want to be horrible. Surely the nicest thing in this world is to be nice and have others be nice back to you? A smile on the street makes my day, so abuse online ruins my week, makes me cancel my shoots and not want to even leave my house.

As some people are aware if they know me or have read this before, I have Alopecia, I have for almost a year and a half now I think maybe even longer, although when I was younger I did get bald patches at the top of my head as I was getting older. I had worn wigs before for fashion as I've always loved fake hair, so it seemed like now I needed them more than ever before. I had joined wig groups on Facebook before and made a lot of friends who had the same interests in hair as me.

I was told by my doctor a few weeks ago that my hair was strong enough now, it hadn't been dropping for ages and after I explained I wanted to get natural dreadlocks started they said it should be totally fine now. I was so excited to be beautiful, as to me, hair is what defines beauty. It was long enough to begin.

I recently put up a fundraiser, as my dreadlocks were messed up (not by myself), and the stress from this caused my hair to pull and fall out once again. I left the house and started crying on my husband, he had been silent the whole time the few dreads were put in, as he could see what was happening but did not want me to break down in front of the hairdresser.

Hair falls so quickly, you can rub your head and more comes out. By the time we got home that night I could shake my head and have it fall, I took out the dreads and cried over them, once again knowing I wasn't ever going to be like normal girls can be. I've tried explaining to my husband before that every time he says a girl's hair is nice it feels like he slapped me in the face.

I put a brave face on for Facebook and my fan page and my friends, just saying that they "hadn't worked" though a couple of my friends saw through this and asked if I was okay. So I shaved off my hair that was left, because I knew that it would hurt less than waking up with it all over my pillow again.
So it was all gone, and I didn't know what to do, I didn't have any money left after paying for trains to get my dreads done and indeed the dreads themselves. I was shooting the next week, how was I meant to be the best model I can be when I was so ugly and sad?

I cancelled my shoots, and told them what had happened, they all were sorry as they know how much this means to me. I had an idea that night as I saw a model that I really like had started a fundraiser on GoFundMe to have a flight paid for by her fans so she could tour other countries. It sounded a bit selfish to me, as she is paid a lot of money, but I thought; "I have a medical condition and I need the thing that makes me feel better, isn't that reason enough to have one of my own?" So I started a fundraiser.

Within minutes, I made my extremely modest target of £30 for one new wig, from a photographer I have only met and worked with once, I thanked him so much for being so generous...then more donations came in, from people I didn't know on my PayPal and also on my GoFundMe, so I had enough to buy three new wigs, and some people even sent me accessories and money specifically for a new dress they had chosen over the next few days from Fetlife. I was so honoured, flattered and happy that the kindness of strangers was a real thing, I never believed it before.

I ordered two wigs, and waited until I asked a lady I'm madly in love with what colour hair she wanted me to have, as I wanted to be perfect.

I started getting abuse on my GoFundMe within hours, it was shared in a wig based group and I started getting abusive messages. Mainly for having "fucked up my hair myself" and "lying" and "scrounging". I don't understand it. People would not have given me their money if they did not think my cause was justified and they did not have it to give? Why were these people shitting all over this kindness? It really hurt, and it hurt some of my generous friends too.

Some people don't understand that nobody ever chooses to have Alopecia. It just happens. It could happen to anyone, it might even happen to some of the people who were once again being nasty about me today in the wig groups. People who I have never met or even talked to before were saying that they hated me, this really hurt, and it still does. They've made me cry again, for having something wrong with me, and having to reach out for the very first time and actually ask people for help.

Now, I will never again ask anyone to help me when I am not able to cope on my own, as apparently that is a selfish and scrounging thing to do.

You can loose your hair at any time.
Anyone can get Alopecia.
Nobody deserves to be bullied for having an illness.
You bring badness on yourself by being bad to other people.